We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
