Kiss
Puke
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize