Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am naked and annoyed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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