In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im about as happy as oj after his trial
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
