She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
