five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
