If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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