end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
