It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
