I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
