she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I didn't notice because vodka
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
