I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
