wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
