so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
