That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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