i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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