Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
