You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
