remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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