Kiss
Puke
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
