im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
