I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
