Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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