yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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