i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
