lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
MIDGETS
????
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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