Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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