Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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