my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
