I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
