I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
