i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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