I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize