Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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