it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
