Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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