you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just high enough for therapy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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