remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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