maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
