Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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