The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
