Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
