I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
