I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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