Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
