can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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