All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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