I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
