I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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