you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
