I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
where does the pee come out of this thing
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
