Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There r osticjed everywhere
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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