She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How's work?
Spinning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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