I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
