I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize