I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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