I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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