I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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