Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
