Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
