my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
