I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
