I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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