I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
