He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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