I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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