I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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