Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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