smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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