can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
