I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
