If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
