Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
