someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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