Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
