Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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