the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
