naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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