why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
