i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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