That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
